The Duties of Parents

This past week, the ladies from our church met for our monthly Bible Study. I have made it to very few of these studies this year, but I am always encouraged when I get to go. This time the topic was "Raising Little Ones."  My friend who led it has raised four girls, so she knows what she's talking about! She used a little book by J.C. Ryle called "The Duties of Parents." J.C. Ryle was a preacher in England a long time ago (1816-1900). I love the richness of the language that he uses. I highly recommend this little book to anyone looking for a little bit of encouragement in Godly parenting. 

I would like to take several posts to highlight his "17 hints" and make a few comments about each one. We have passed through the "little one" phase a few times, and now find ourselves in it again! How gracious God is to give us His Word to help us train our children.  

1. Train them in the way they "should" go rather than in the way they "would" go. 

Amazing, isn't it, that we don't have to train our children to sin? They come by that naturally. Instead, we must train them to righteousness.  

Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.  

Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

I remember so clearly when Kimberly was getting close to two, she would stomp her little foot and say, "NO, Momma!" I was shocked! I knew that we needed to train that will. But the idea of spanking my sweet baby was hard for me. I scoured the book of Proverbs and came away a very clear conviction that we needed to use the rod and reproof (spanking and instruction). The book that helped us the most was Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. What a blessing this book was. He taught us how to use spanking in a Biblical way to train the hearts of our children. 

The key to Biblical discipline is to keep my own emotions in check. We must never spank in anger. Sometimes, we have had to send the kids to their rooms so we could cool down before dealing with them.  We follow a clear pattern outlined in Tripp's book so that we both always know what is happening. We never spank until they can tell us what they are being spanked for. And we always finish with prayer, an assurance of both God's forgiveness and ours and lots of hugs. Tear stained, but smiling, we emerge to continue our day.  We decided early on we would rather miss an opportunity for spanking than do it in anger. This is very different from what most of us have witnessed in the grocery store where an angry Mom is "disciplining" her wailing child. Ugh. 

The other point here is the importance of consistency. Kids are smart and they quickly figure out where or when they can get away with more. My brother and I knew that we could set the house on fire and my mom wouldn't notice if she was on the phone. (Or so we thought, until we got spanked for something we did while we thought she didn't notice.) It is never appropriate to discipline in public. If you have to go home and come back for the groceries later, then do it. (And you'll probably only have to do that once or twice because it will make a pretty big impression on the little darlings.)

It is interesting, isn't it, that the Bible talks about the rod and reproof, but time out and counting to three are never mentioned. Hum....

2. Train them with all tenderness, affection and patience. 

Be willing to enter into childish joys and sorrows. Love, kindness and gentleness will give you access to your child's heart. 

Col. 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

Some days I find this very difficult. I tend to be a planner and I have an agenda. When the kids need a lot of extra attention, I can respond with impatience rather than tenderness. I often worry that they will remember me grumping at them rather than hugging them and listening to them.  With my older three, I see the increasing importance of this. I want them to continue to share their hearts with me, and I know it has to start when they are little. 

Andy's mother had this down to an art when he was small. Every night she would sit on the edge of his bed and talk about his day. She would ask, "What was the worst part of your day?" 

"How could you do things differently next time?" and "What was the best part of your day?" They continued this little routine through high school. They both say it was big part of what made them close. 

My son, Caleb, can tell a LONG story. He is very detail oriented and he wants to be sure that you understand EVERY detail. It is hard for me to stop and really listen sometimes. It is worth it though, to enter his world in this way. 

I think this point is especially important for Moriah. I don't know how or when she will need to process through thoughts and feelings about the first 19 months of her life. She will need a tender, compassionate Mom who will listen with great acceptance and tenderness.

There you have it: J.C. Ryle's first two hints.

 I am so thankful for the grace of Christ as I look back on the early childhood of my older three and think about the present with Moriah. I have made so many mistakes! But the grace of Christ gives me hope. These little ones are His and I can trust him to use even my mistakes for their good and His glory. 

Look for two more soon! 

Six Months

Six months ago

Today

Is it possible that we have been home with Moriah for over six months? The time has gone by so quickly. It is amazing to reflect on how far this little one has come in those months. 

Then: she wasn't walking. She had skinny little stick legs and arms. Her shoulders were hunched so that she couldn't get into crawling position. She wanted to eat all the time (ok, maybe this one hasn't changed much!).  She had constant ear infections.  Her right thumb was turned in and hardly used. She would give a little fake smile if she thought that was what we expected. She didn't understand much of what we said, and we didn't understand what she said. She needed a family.  

Now: she is walking well and trying to run. She has rolls of plumpness on her legs. Her shoulders have opened so that she can crawl and climb. She has had surgery and hours of therapy. She uses her thumb a lot. She has been baptized and heard the Gospel and been loved by God's people. She can say quite a few things and understands just about everything we say. She has opened her heart to us and allowed us the privilege of becoming her family.  Her smile lights up her eyes and her face. She is no longer an orphan but a daughter.

 Bringing Moriah home has changed all of us. 

Kimberly went from being the only girl to having a baby sister. She has learned to share her room. She has taken a lot of responsibility for Moriah and is such a huge help. I don't know what I would do without her. She is always willing to help. Saturday, she got Moriah's breakfast, gave her a bath and got her dressed.  What a blessing to have two daughters! 

Caleb is no longer the middle child. He also has learned more responsibility as he has helped with Moriah. He does a great job of keeping her out of trouble and entertaining her. He is a fabulous big brother. I know he will always protect his little sister. He has a lot of nicknames for her.

Josiah went from the baby of the family to the big brother. Moriah loves to play with him and he always finds ways to entertain her. They sit together on her little scooter toy and scoot around the house. It isn't always easy for him as he was the youngest in our family for six years. But he has done a great job in his new role. 

And Andy and I went from being parents of three to parents of four. Somehow having four kids seems like a lot! We have had to remember how it is to have a little one again. We have had to work harder to carve out time for each other. And we have had our ups and downs with the attachment process. But most of all we feel honored and blessed to have this little bundle of God's grace in our home. Sometimes I still can't believe that she is ours. When there is yogurt on the floor, toys everywhere, dishes in the sink, laundry overflowing, I have to stop for a minute and reflect on the wonder of this little life born so far away, protected so lovingly by her Heavenly Father, and finally brought to us. Everyday we have among us a living, breathing picture of what God has done for us in adopting us into His family, putting His name upon us, and calling us His own. Once we were far off, but now we are brought near through Christ. 

Happy six months home, Moriah Mei!

No Hands But Ours

You can read a short summary of our story on the website "No Hands but Ours." Just click on the button on our sidebar and then go to family stories. Be sure to read some of the others as well. Each one is a testimony to God's grace as he brings these little ones home. I love to read all of the stories and see how each child is uniquely suited to his or her family. I am constantly amazed at the way that God brought Moriah to us and how He is knitting her into our family. 

Happy and Busy Days

Our four plus two cousins!

Moriah Mei has a new bed!

Grandma plays the Wii!

 These past couple of weeks have been full of the normal, happy busy stuff that makes life good. I am thankful for God's faithfulness as He shows it in the day-to-day things. I have been especially thankful for the opportunity to live near family. We lived away from Colorado for the first twelve years of our marriage. While we knew that we missed living near our families, we had no idea of the rich blessing that awaited us when we moved back. Some recent examples include attending church with Andy's parents. It has been exciting to sit under the same great teaching with them and discuss the things we are hearing. I also love it when we can just join them for a meal and hang out together like we did last Saturday. The kids thought Grandma hadn't had enough time on the Wii yet! 

My parents, despite having nine kids and many, many grandkids, have made time to help me with my laundry, cleaning and ironing. What a huge blessing...not only having the jobs done, but spending the time together. 

Along with my parents, we have been caring for my nephews while my brother, sister-in-law and niece are in Africa. I have enjoyed watching my boys enjoy their cousins. It is also fun to hear the cousins laugh at Moriah. They think she's really funny! We have managed do our school work and keep everyone fed...no small task with six kids in the house! 

We had a recheck at the neurosurgeon for Moriah's spine last week. Everything looks great. She is back to her physical and occupational therapy as well.  She is beginning to show her two-year old will more and will make quite a racket when she doesn't get her way. She is growing in her attachment to Andy which is very encouraging. She greets him happily when he comes home from work. 

Last night as I was reading books to her, she looked up at Andy and then back at me and said very happily, "MaMa, Dada." It seemed like she was thinking "Life is good. I have a forever family!" As the days go by, I think how good it must be for her just to have day after day of normal routine stuff.  She is sleeping all night in her own little toddler bed. It has been great for all of us to have her sleeping so well in her own space.  Sometimes I have felt frustrated with our sleeping arrangements. We have three bedrooms upstairs, so Moriah and Kimberly share a room. There is a ten year age difference between them, so sharing a room poses challenges. Kimberly has lots of tiny stuff, Moriah puts everything in her mouth. Kimbelry is a young lady, Moriah is a stinky baby. Kimberly wants a little privacy, Moriah wants to be wherever Kimberly is. You get the idea. The thing I have realized, though, is that this arrangement is actually a benefit for both of them. Moriah doesn't like to be alone. I'm sure that she sleeps better knowing that Kimberly is there. It is also an opportunity for Kimberly to learn to keep her things picked up and to learn to be patient with her sister. The good thing is that they love each other very much. I pray that they will always be close even though there is a big gap in their ages. Moriah has been singing a little made up song that goes, "Jie, Jie, yuv you, Jie, Jie yuv you." (Jie Jie is her Chinese version of big sister).  It is super cute. Moriah also says "Lia Li" for Josiah, but she doesn't have a name for Caleb yet (much to his disappointment).  I'm sure his turn will come to have his own cute nickname from Moriah.

We continue to rejoice in God's faithfulness and provision for us!

My Valentine

This was taken last May in Vail. We got

away for acouple of days because we knew 

it would be harder when Moriah came.

When we first started dating (14 years ago) I loved to refer to Andy as "my Andy." It seemed so romantic that we were going to belong to one another...that I would be his and he would be mine. At the time I never could have known how wonderful it would be to live each day loving "my Andy." This year especially I am so thankful for the one the Lord provided for me. It was a big year for us. I think we will always treasure the memory of our trip to China. It was such an exciting time...not only because we were going to get Moriah but also because China is the land of Andy's ancestery. It was so great to see him on the Great Wall and the Forbidden City. He was able to connect with his own heritage while experiencing Moriah's. 

Adding Moriah after life with three had become fairly comfortable has been a huge adjustment. Andy has had to sort through a lot of emotions as he parents a child who doesn't always respond to him with the warmth he would like to receive. He has had to deal with the added stress of Moriah's medical appointments and expenses. He has had to come home to a messy house and an impatient wife more often than I would like to admit.  How often has he had to reuse dirty socks or fish a half-dry undershirt out of the dryer because I didn't finish the laundry?  He has had to juggle a long commute and busy job with church commitments while also faithfully leading his family.  He gathers all of us for prayer and Bible reading almost every night.  He makes time to talk and play with the children when he would rather relax.  He listens to me when I don't really have anything important to say, but just want some adult conversation. He has done it all so faithfully and well. I admire and respect him more with each day that passes. I can only humbly thank the Lord for giving him to me.  I love you, Andy!

Jer.29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a hope and a future."

Presurgery Fun

Delicious!!

A cute Birthday cake for Moriah Mei

Yum! Fried wontons just for me!

Happy Chinese New Year!

It's funny how just a couple of days away can seem like a long time. We were all glad to get home yesterday and be together again as a family. Moriah is amazing. You would never know that she had surgery this week. She is full of energy and mischief! She is on some Motrin, but that is it.  

Before the hospital adventure, we did a few fun things that never made it to the blog, so I thought I would catch up a little. Last week we celebrated Chinese New Year with Andy's parents. We went to their favorite Chinese restaurant. It is our kid's favorite restaurant now, too, because they have been given red envelopes with money in them for the past two Chinese New Years. Andy's folks have also started the red envelope tradition with the kids. It was a lot of fun. The first time we went to this restaurant with Moriah after returning from China, she was very timid and unsure. Not this time! She went after her lo mein and fried rice with great enthusiasm.  

We also celebrated Moriah's second birthday last weekend. All four of her grandparents were here. We have a great bakery near our house, so we had them make a lady bug cake which was cute and delicious. We began a tradition of honoring all who cared for her before she came to us with a bouquet of flowers. As she gets older we will talk to her in more detail about her birthparents, orphanage nannies, and foster families. For now, we just told her that we wanted to honor those who cared for her before we could.  She loved the presents, cake and icecream and balloons.  I loved seeing her surrounded by her family...our treasured daughter.

We are so thankful for the gracious hand of the Lord in our lives. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!

The View from the Hospital

Amy and Moriah in the hospital kids room

Mike Leach #83 Denver Broncos

Today is our second day at the hospital in Denver. Yesterday morning we got here bright and early for Moriah to have her surgery. After we were all prepped and Moriah drifted off to sleep, the doctor came out saying, "What is that on her neck?" She has a strange, scaley patch of skin on her neck that had gotten very red in just the last couple of days. I had put some anti-fungal cream on it, but it looked pretty nasty. The doctor made a quick call to infectious disease to decide if they could continue with the tethered cord release surgery. I was really praying that they could go ahead. The thought of anticipating all of this all over again was more than I wanted to consider. Thankfully, they decided they could go ahead. By about 11:00 she was out of surgery and recovering. My parents came and sat with us during the surgery and spent a little time with us after she got setttled in her room. The doctor said that her cord was very obviously tethered and it was definitely the right decision to fix it now rather than waiting. Lord willing, by freeing it now, we have avoided any serious nerve damamge. We also had a ENT put tubes in her ears while she was out. Most of yesterday Moriah was really sleepy and groggy. I left about 8:30 last night and went home to sleep. I was super tired. (Maybe I'm not as over the mono as I thought I was). Andy stayed with Moriah. We figured it was good bonding time for the two of them. Our room is private, but very small, so it would have been difficult for both of us to sleep. Tonight Andy will go home and I will stay. We are hoping to be released from the hospital tomorrow (Thursday).

Today Moriah is sitting up, eating lots and quite restless. She pulled her IV out which caused blood to go all over me. Thankfully, they let us just leave it out since she is eating and drinking well. She is such a trooper. We are so proud of her. Meanwhile, Kimberly, Caleb and Josiah have been hanging out with their grandparents (both sets). We have certainly needed their help in these past months. Words cannot express out thanks to them.

This morning a Denver Bronco, Mike Leach (number 83), came to the hospital with his family to visit with the kids. Moriah wasn't impressed (she fell asleep). But it was fun for Andy and me and some of the older kids who are here. Channel 4 and 7 news along with the Denver Post captured the moment so you may see us on the news! Thanks again for your prayers for Moriah.